Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
