And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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