So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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