Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm like, not good at living.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
