Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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