Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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