Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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