He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
