I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
