shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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