Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am never drinking with the goths again.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
