So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
