hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
