you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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