the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
