he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Couch. On fire.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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