It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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