Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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