My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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