Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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