I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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