that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
