I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
