i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
