period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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