Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
