are you so shy because you have an std?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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