yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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