Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

Pants 0. Shit 1.

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(585): View more from New York

I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.

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(949): View more from California

I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me

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(207): View more from Maine

She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."

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(519): View more from Ontario

sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.

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(205): View more from Alabama

According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.

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(503): View more from Oregon

i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night

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