Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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