Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
