I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
