I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
