I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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