Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize