I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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