Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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