I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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