he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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