I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
