Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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