I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
