best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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