As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
