Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
People in love make me want to vomit
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
