woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
