last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
