if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
a search helicopter?!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
