She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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