sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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