hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
