You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
