I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
