I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
