I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
