Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
