Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize