bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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