planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
