you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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