Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
