"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
