im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
