just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
