I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
