dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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