My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
