watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
