So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Randomize
