And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
