thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
