The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
