we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
