dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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