Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
