if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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