Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i drank out of a bidet.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
