yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
