I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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