Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
