I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
