She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
