Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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