Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
