Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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