Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
