He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
