You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
