did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
