do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
