It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
