dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
