Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
