ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
