i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Farmville is her only friend.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
