dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
that may or may not have been my penis.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
