You're completely useless in the revolution.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
