I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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