just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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