ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
