Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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