sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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