Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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