Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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