We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
