If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize