I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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