Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
