Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
