i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
