everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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