I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize