"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
